Dream Small!

…Stop and consider the wondrous works of God

Job 37:14

One chemo down, many more to go.  So far I feel good, and all I can do is be glad one is over – dream small! Because right now, even trying to look at celebrating the end of chemo is too daunting.  The plan is to have 4 rounds every two weeks followed by 12 weeks of once a week, a total of 5 months of chemo!

As you know, I love accessories!  I don’t just love accessories for me, I love them for my house too.  Above is how my sofa looks most of time.  Yes, people do sit on it – my kids are very good at moving pillows and putting them back.  I have so many throw pillows my husband says he spends more time moving pillows on and off the bed than he does sleeping. 

But this is how my sofa looks now.   

Life right now is not the way any of us want it to be.  The coronavirus has ruined so many things!   Like all kids, mine have had so much canceled – everything, really.  Our daughter is in her senior year, and she is devastated.  Our son is in a musical at school, and he is devastated.  Our other son plays baseball, and he is devastated.  And these are just their big activities, the list goes on and on for them.    The one perk they saw to all this was they would get to stay home from school.  Then I made a home school schedule for them, and they were devastated.  Their favorite part of school is the social aspect – why else go???  

We canceled our Spring Break trip a month ago trip due to my treatments but planned to go to the beach. Now they have closed the beach, again, we are all devastated!  It seems like it will never end.  I joked with some friends that I may have the best social life of everyone these days, due to my treatment schedule.

So, what do we do? We just keep going and looking for the ways God is good and provides for us.  Even in the little things.  My daughter went on a run, because track season is not happening right now.  She thought she had turned on a pod cast by Sadie Robertson.  instead one on Loss came on so she listened to it.  She said, ”You know what?  It was exactly what I needed to hear.”  It was about how to overcome loss of any kind.  She said to me, ”That is exactly what I am feeling about the coronavirus – a loss of everything external we have going on in life.”  She told me about it, and I said, “See, God knew what you needed to hear.”

My son feels a perk of me having cancer is all the food people are bringing us – he loves to eat!  All my kids love sweets, and I love them the most.  Since my diagnosis I have had so many procedures that make me not feel like eating much.  So, we have not had sweets.  You know what?  Every time the kids are longing for something sweet we come home to a bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies on our front step. Or someone knocks on our door with brownies.  Or a package arrives with candy, or a cookie bouquet.  I take these opportunities to remind the kids that God knows, and He provides.

So, in this time or uncertainty and doubt, the one thing we know is God will provide.  Look for the little things and you will see He is there!

I love the song Dream Small by Josh Wilson.  I know it sounds crazy in this day and age of “Follow your Dreams,” “Be all you can Be,” “Don’t let anyone step on your Dreams” – to dare to dream small!    Let’s face it, the world could use some people dreaming small right now.

It’s visiting the widow down the street
Or dancing on a Friday with your friend with special needs.
These simple moments change the world
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with bigger dreams
Just don’t miss the minutes on your way to bigger things, no
Cause these simple moments change the world.”
So, dream small
Don’t buy the lie you gotta do it all
Just let Jesus use you where you are
One day at a time
Live well
Loving God and others as yourself 
Find little ways where only you can help
With his great love
A tiny rock can make a giant fall
So, dream small.”

Dream small this week- write a card to someone.  Even have your kids do the same.   Take dessert to a neighbor.  Call that friend you have been thinking about.  Send encouragement to the Mom who is suddenly homeschooling.  Send a gift card to someone out of work.  Hire a teenager to do yard work.  Sit down for 3 plus hours and play that game of Risk!  In these times of social distancing and isolation – Dream small!

Now, an update. The port surgery went off well.  Not as easy or painless as I had hoped- but I got “Happy juice” for the procedure so that was fun.  It is very sore and bruised and I have a small heat rash from the bandages.  We have decided the left side of my chest looks like really good pirate make up, complete with a bulge where the port is.  It will heal completely and every day I feel better.  

God truly sent the most wonderful team of 3 nurses and a doctor to do the MRI biopsy.  I told them they were hand-picked by God because they were just what I needed.  They were amazing and they made it as pain less as possible.  

Chris was able to wait with me for both of these procedures because the hospital was still allowing one person in with each patient.  Chemo was yesterday they allowed Chris to come back with me because it was my first time, but until the coronavirus is under control no one will be able to go back with me the following times.    I was just so happy they allowed him in the first time.  Now I know what to expect and what to bring.  I am a chronic over packer.  So, I brought entertainment, snacks, a pillow, and blanket.  It looked like I was checking in for the weekend!

I am feeling good so far after the first round.  They have great nausea meds, so  I fluctuate from exhausted to over awake due to the steroids I take for the first 4 days.  Next week is an off week.  I am looking forward to being healed from all the procedure/surgeries.  Feeling good from chemo and just getting back to life for a week.  And going on a run!  But for now all I can do is Dream Small and count the small victories!

Specific prayer requests: that I continue to heal completely; that the biopsy comes back negative; that my body continues to react well to chemo; that the chemo does its job of killing the cancer cells (I envisioned the chemo going “pew, pew” at the cancer cells yesterday!) 

Have a great week- Dream Small, just let Jesus use you where you are.