Soaking in the Rays

“For with God nothing shall be impossible.” 

Luke 1:37

I hope this blog finds you all doing well and enjoying the Fall season.  Where we live the weather has been beautiful and the trees are still changing.  The weather has been so nice I have had the top of my convertible down – always fun!  It has been so wonderful driving around and seeing the colorful trees while my hair (yea hair!) blows in the wind.  That is right, I have enough hair to actually blow in the wind!  

I started radiation two weeks ago.  I have now finished 13 out of 25 treatments.  It is going well so far, and I have not had any side effects.  Sadly, they say the first two weeks are good and then the side effects start.  Usually, the main side effects include a burning of the skin (much like a sunburn) and fatigue.  I have been told by many that these side effects are nothing compared to chemo.  I am hopeful that things will continue to go well!

The first week of radiation was very challenging mentally.  I am still recovering from surgery, so the position I have to lay for radiation pulls on the recovering muscles and is quite uncomfortable as I am healing.  However, that is not the most difficult part.  I was so anxious about the unknown of radiation I was getting myself incredibly worked up before I even left for the treatments.  

I knew I had to figure out what to do to quiet my mind.  I remembered that routine was very important to me on chemo days.  So, I now have a routine involving praise music while getting ready, reading some scripture before I go back, breathing in lavender oil from a bracelet while on my way.  That all helped to calm me down on the way, but I was still freaking out in my head during the radiation.   I tried counting to ten, reciting scripture, singing praise songs to myself, but those techniques only calmed me down a little.  

The routine of radiation is this: you come in and get a tempeture check (of course), change into a gown, walk back to radiation, give them your birthday, and then head into a large room and lay down on the table where the radiation machine moves around you.  The radiation techs are wonderful, and we chat while they get me ready.  We talk about our weekends, the weather, Rothy shoes, what is going on in our lives.  One tech just got engaged and was so excited to show me her ring.  I am fine with this even though I am in an uncomfortable position.   

But, as soon as they leave the room the anxiety almost overtakes me.  I have to lay completely still!  They leave and all of a sudden, I start thinking:  I have to go to the bathroom, my legs need to move, I can’t hold this position, my hand is falling asleep, what if I sneeze?  On Friday I noticed how narrow the table was and worried that I would fall off!  All of these are irrational thoughts, but they were making radiation very stressful.

One day on the way to radiation I heard the song “Peace Be Still” by Hope Darst.  I realized that was what I needed.  I needed God to give me peace.  In this song she says:

I don’t want to be afraid 
Every time I face the waves.
I don’t want to fear the storm
Just because I hear the roar

 Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea 
Till I’m dancing in the deep 

Peace be still 
You are here so it is well 
Even when my eyes can’t see 
I will trust the voice that speaks

 I’m not gonna be afraid 
‘Cause these waves are only waves
I’m not gonna fear the storm
You are greater than it’s roar

 O peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can’t see
I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, Peace, Peace

 Let faith rise up
Oh heart believe
Let faith rise up in me. 

When we ask God for peace, He will grant peace to our weary and troubled hearts.  So now I lay on the table and just ask for God to let peace wash over me.  My mind is starting to quiet and my heart is finding peace while I lay there receiving the radiation treatments.  For most of my journey the prayer was for healing the cancer and help to get us through this.  God did that and more, and now that I need peace, He is giving me that too.

I hope as we head into an unprecedented Thanksgiving Holiday – where plans have changed, and we may not be able to spend time with the extended family as we have in the past – that God will give you peace and the faith to know that one day coronavirus will be gone, and we will see them again.  That He will also give you peace, so you can today count the blessings He has given to you.

It gives me such joy to have *only* one prayer request:

For radiation, that my skin will stay healthy and the radiation will kill the few small remaining cancer cells that may (or may not) be there.  I have radiation at 9:00 every weekday morning until Dec. 3^rd.

I hope you have a great week and can enjoy God’s peace in your life.