The Battle is Not Mine, It’s the Lord’s

God is our refuge and strength a helper who is always found in times of trouble.  Therefore we will not be afraid.

Psalm 46:1

So how is everyone doing?  I know – the same as we are – bored, scared, sad, and lonely.  What a week! We received news today that our Governor is putting the state on “stay at home” orders until June 10.  I mean… June 10!  Could he not give us a little hope and at least make it May 10?  For our family that means doing exactly what we have been doing all along.  Fortunately, we can still go out for walks.  For our family, our daily walks are what is helping to keep us sane.  These are crazy times.  Times we have never experienced in my lifetime – and I am no Spring Chicken!  

When I was first diagnosed with cancer it hit us like a ton of concrete. The news that the kids won’t be going back to school again this year hit us just as hard.  I was so busy with all the testing, managing doctors appointments, keeping up with life, and recovering from procedures that I had little time to process it.   Even after my first chemo, I had a hard time really admitting that I have cancer.  This week I have felt better and seem fully recovered from chemo, but it is starting to sink in that I am one of warriors that will be fighting cancer.  Like, I am one of the people the football team wears pink socks for and the cheerleaders wear pink bows for in October.    That is me!!  How can that be?  But like God always does, He has given me not only the strength to realize – yes that is me – He has provided many little “ gifts” given to me this week to remind me that yes I am a warrior fighting a battle.

I went to the hospital today for blood work prior to chemo treatment set for Tuesday.  It was surreal.  The hospital was totally empty in the office area where I was.  Everyone was in masks, no one was talking, everyone was on their own in the waiting room and we all stayed away from each other.  This even meant lining the hall 6 feet apart waiting to have blood drawn.   I can report that all my numbers were good, so we are on for chemo tomorrow at 11:30 am.

With the announcement from the Governor today, the doubts are really starting to enter my family.  Will there be any summer camps for the kids?  Can we still go on vacation?  Will our daughter get to have a graduation ceremony?  Will we ever go to church again?  Will MLB ever play – I mean the Nationals HAVE to defend their championship!   How are the kids really going to learn enough online to be prepared to start school in the Fall? Will the Easter Bunny be able to make it through the coronavirus?  How much will we owe on overdue library fines?  Will we still have a carpet in the basement once my husband goes back to work – he paces while on conference calls?   Can I really cook dinner at home almost every night?  Will the house ever be clean again? When can the men/boys in this house ever get haircuts?  The list goes on and on…

This Sunday a young college student at our church sang a song he wrote that I have decided is my new mantra.  It is entitled “The Battle is the Lord’s.“  You can listen to the song in the video below, but my favorite words are :

Even though
I walk through the valley
I will not fear
For You are with me
Thy Rod and Thy staff 
They comfort me
For the Battle isn’t mine it’s Yours

You are the God who strengthens me
You are the God who knows no defeat
You are the God who stills my soul
Because the battle isn’t mine it’s Yours

And when I stand
Atop the mountain
I won’t forget
What You’ve done for me
And I know
That You are so so good
And the battle wasn’t mine it was Yours

My new mantra for my cancer battle is “The battle is not mine it’s the Lord’s.” He will get us through the coronavirus. He will get me through cancer and at the end we will be able to say “Thank you Lord for you were there through the fire.  You oh Lord fought the Battle and allowed me to be victorious.”  

On Sunday our lesson (via Zoom) was on Romans 5:1-21.  We discussed at length Romans 5:3-5.  How do we have hope because of our suffering?  “And not only that, we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces HOPE.  This HOPE will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. “  

How do we have hope in the midst of the uncertainty of this virus?  We lean on the everlasting arms of Christ.  That is really the only thing we can do.  My family is looking for the positives of each day and not worrying about tomorrow.  We have a “Let it Go Box” where we write down our fears and concerns and place them in the box to – let them go onto God.  We end every day now knowing tomorrow will be just like today, not just literally, but at the end of the day the sun will go down and God will still be God.  

My hope is you and your family can find peace in this time, take a breath and let God be in control.

Here are my specific prayer requests:

That the chemo goes well tomorrow (March 31).  That my fatigue from chemo will be minimal.  That the aches from the Neulasta shot on Wednesday will be cause minimal achiness.  That the chemo will continue to shrink the masses in my body.  

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I hope you have a great week!