Time Marches On…

O Lord You have searched me and know me.  You know my sitting down and my rishing up: You understand my thought afar off.  

Psalm 139:1-2

Time for another blog post to let you know how we are doing and what to pray for.  For starters, I cannot tell you what a blessing it is know that so many are lifting not only me but our whole family up in daily prayer.  It truly is how we are sustaining ourselves through these tough days.  

As many of you know who saw on Facebook this week, we had a small setback.  When I went in on Monday my white blood cell count, my platelets, and red blood cell count were all too low to do round #7 on Tuesday.  I was sent down to the infusion center for a shot to help boost all these things.  Then I called out to my prayer warriors (via Facebook).  God is so good, the shot worked, and I was able to have round #7 on Wednesday, keeping my schedule more or less on track.  The shot left my body very achy and kept me in bed for another to days.  But it all worked out in the end.  

Many things are linked to my schedule staying on track.  A big one is my surgery date.  It is already scheduled and delaying a treatment would cause that to be rescheduled; not *too* big a deal, but coordinating multiple surgeons gets tricky and could cause further delay.  

Currently, I am scheduled to end chemo on Aug. 4 – that is 11 days before our daughter moves into college. Delaying treatment would mean I would not be well enough to accompany her as she moves into college.  I mean – if I don’t move her in, who will make sure the bed is made?  Who will take all the pictures after she decorates her room?  How will I give her a final hug and cry all the way back to the hotel?  So, staying on schedule is important to us (me) right now.    

One impact to my low numbers and overall total exhaustion is that we decided to drop one of my chemo drugs, called Carboplatin.  It was a tough decision, because that drug has been shown to significantly increase the chances of complete response (pCR), so for this decision we prayed a lot.   The side effects of this drug for me left me completely bedridden for 5 days – unable to sit up or move around for any period of time.  Chris brings me my meals in my room and the kids don’t get to spend time with me because I am just too weak.  

The doctor agreed that it should not be this bad.  I have lost weight from the start of treatment but in the past two weeks I lost another 6 pounds (a heck of a way to diet, I know).  Coupled with the other side effects, we all feel it was the right decision.  It was a tough one because I believed I was being a wimp and so many have it worse than just stuck in bed.  But the doctor made the call and reminded me that 1/3 of people on that drug do not make it to the end due to side effects.  Making it 6 rounds was still helpful.  And the cancer continues to shrink.  The goal is 100% gone (add that to the prayer requests).

Now onto the underlying stress for ALL of us: COVID-19.  So, where are we with all of this?  Social isolating is working, but the kids (all kids) are growing restless.  So, we let the boys play outside with some neighborhood kids who are socially isolating.  Is it safe? I don’t know, but I know their mental health is better off.  Our pool is open with all sorts of restrictions and no more than 50 people at the pool during a shift.  Is this safe? I don’t know.  We let our daughter have some outdoor visits with friends and even go to a restaurant (outside of course).  

Then there is the question of school next year.  Our school district is offering two options, neither of them any good.  They can go to school two days a week and learn online the other days.  Or do the whole year online.   We know what the safest is, but what is best for their mental health?  So, we pray like all of you are, and we stress, and we worry.  God has it in control but are we willing to listen to Him?  Because we know what we want – a vaccine now!  That, and to know that our kids will be safe and not bring home any germs.  Add to that the stress that we are sending one off to college!  

I remind myself each day that our God is great, and He can do great things.  I also keep going back to our family verse I put up all over our house when I was diagnosed, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7.  

I don’t know about you, but I find it particularly hard to do life these days with thanksgiving.  Honestly, some days it is so hard to be thankful for anything…  But I do try to find something that was good each day.  It might only be that God got me through a day when I was in stuck in bed.  I know to some of you having to lay in bed all day, not being able to do anything, sounds wonderful.  But for me, it is not!  

So that is where we are.  Prayer requests are mostly the same: that the chemo will continue to work, and the cancer will all be gone by surgery.  That removing the one chemo drug will not hinder the complete removal of cancer and will give me back a quality of life.  That all counts will stay up and no more delays in treatment so chemo can stay on track for every Tuesday at 9 or 9:30.  That our family will stay COVID-19 free.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and for caring about me and my family.  If you have brought us meals, treats, presents, or done anything to help, please know it is all very much appreciated!  I am far, far behind on thank you cards.  

Take care and enjoy this Summer of less crazy and more family time.