Last Chemo!

But they that wait upon the for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles: they shall run and not be weary: they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

How is everyone doing?   Hopefully even with quarantine you have enjoyed some of summer.  I know it has been a while since I have posted.  Honestly, I have not felt motivated or well enough to post.  I have all my energy plus some more on day of chemo and the one after, due to steroids.  Those days have been consumed with unpacking and getting our new house in order.  Then the next 5 days I spend in bed with barely enough energy to make it downstairs to eat dinner.  Chris and the kids bring to me breakfast and lunch in bed.   I am very thankful for Facebook, which helps me feel connected to you all.

I had my final chemo today.  It was relatively anticlimactic.  The facility I go to does not ring a bell or do anything special for last treatments.  So, I just left as usual.  Chris had a busy day at work and the kids went to the pool.  I am not feeling like I had my last treatment because I know the week ahead is going to be rough – like always.  I am hopeful that next Tuesday I will be feeling better and the chemo will be working its way out and I can feel good and truly enjoy being done.

In the back of my head I know I only get 5 weeks off, then I have surgery.  At the time of surgery if any of the cells they pull out test positive for cancer I have to do chemo again – so that weighs heavy on my heart and mind.  I will also have radiation and reconstruction.  Although this is huge, I still am looking at 7 or more months of cancer related procedures and that is daunting.   

One special thing I did today, someone suggested I get “showered with cards”.  I have been receiving many cards in the mail for the past week.  Honestly, I have not had the energy to open them this week, so they have been collecting in a HUGE pile.     Today I just sat here and opened all of them.  What a gift it was to read the handwritten notes of so many ladies praying for me.  Reading the cards was the perfect way to celebrate my last round.  It is only through Christ and the prayers of so many that I have made it this far. Thank you for praying!

One card had this writing by Max Lucado.  I feel this applies to all of us right now no matter what you are going through. 

“Your silent prayers uttered on tearstained pillows
                        Were heard before they were said.
            Your deepest questions 
                        Were answered before they were asked.
                                    He sees you….
                                                He hears you….
                                                            He knows you…….”

It is such a comfort to know that that God knows what we need before we ask, and He is there.  I have had a hard time finding joy lately.  I believe it is partly the way the chemo just sucks the life out of me.  COVID-19 has definitely taken the joy out of me.  On days when I feel good and want to get out of the house there is nowhere to go.  I have gone to Target with my daughter to get her stuff for college, but shopping is all about getting in and out as quickly as possible, so it is about efficiency not enjoyability.

That brings me to another disappointment this cancer has brought on.  My daughter leaves for college on Saturday and I will not be going with her.  That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around.  I try to stay positive because we have done all the shopping for college together and have talked about it a lot.  As always God provides, and my sister is going to meet Chris and Katie Lynne there and help to get her set up.  I also have become so accustomed to having her here the thought of her room being empty is overwhelming.  She is so excited to go and will do great!  It is my selfishness that wants to keep her here a little longer.  

Tonight, we are going out to a real restaurant to celebrate her 18^th birthday.  This will be our first restaurant since March.  Everyone is very excited about it.  Her birthday was a great day!  Thank you to all who helped her celebrate with cards, balloons, visits, texts, presents, etc. 

Another thing weighing heavy on my heart is the explosion that happened in Lebanon.  Many of you know I visited Beirut in September.  It is a beautiful area and the people have overcome so much.   We visited with a group of people who are spreading the love of Christ in many different ways.  They had a joy for the Lord in their hearts that was overwhelming.  COVID-19 has hurt that area in ways we cannot even imagine here in the US.  Lebanon was full of problems before the explosion.  The refugee crisis is overwhelming and now the clean-up from the explosion is almost unbearable.  Still God is at work in the people there.   Thanks to Facebook I can see what my friends in Lebanon are doing to share the love of Christ and help those in need while they also rebuild what they have lost.  Join me in praying for the situation there.

People often ask how the kids are doing.  They honestly are doing well with it all.  They enjoy the days when I feel good because we are a family and I laugh, and we go on walks and enjoy being together.  On the days I feel bad they are good too because no one monitors video games or how much TV they watch, and they get to do not much of anything.  The boys are dreading me feeling good every day because it means beds will be made and rooms will have to stay clean.   They are also excited to have their mom “back” as they say.  They have seen it all, the good and the bad and they just roll with the punches.  The boys will miss their sister – partly because they will have to pick up the slack for all the things she does.  

Chris is working from home and that has been a true blessing.  Some days I can’t even take care of myself so I don’t know how I would have made it without him home.  He also drives me to everything.  He has been an amazing multitasker.  He is really looking forward to me feeling well again.

That is what has been going on with us.  We are blessed by each of you and all you have done to get us this far on my cancer journey.  The creative ways you have supported from a distance have brought us great joy!  

Here are specific prayer requests:  That I will make it through the side effects of this last round of chemo.  That Katie Lynne will have a great move in and settle into college and stay COVID-19 free.  That my body will spend the next 5 weeks recovering so I am strong for surgery.  That chemo will have killed all the cancer and I will not need any more chemo after surgery.

That surgery will go well, and I have minimal pain and an easy recovery.

We hope this blog post finds you well and looking forward to the fall and all things pumpkin spice!  Hopefully by pumpkin spice season (yes that is a thing) I will feel well enough to drink coffee again.  I do love a pumpkin spice latte!