Fall Fixes Everything!

Be still, and know I am God.

Psalm 46:10

What a Summer we all had!   I hope the start to your school year was successful.  Like most families with students, we are virtual this Fall.  I will be honest, my boys did well, given the situation, but the first day of school was a little rough and seemed to last FOREVER.  The second day was just as long. As the week has progressed, we are all easing into a rhythm.  My boys do miss school, seeing and interacting with friends, meeting teachers and learning in a classroom.  Hopefully they will one day be back in school.  I applaud the teachers for also spending all day at a computer screen and teaching with enthusiasm and creativity.   

My daughter started her freshman year at college and is SO excited to be out with other people.  I envision her running around like Rapunzel when she first got out of her tower.  They are wearing masks and limiting social interactions.  Being a freshman on campus, she does not know anything other than what they are doing right now so she is loving every minute of being around people other than her family. So far, Covid hasn’t affected her campus nearly as much as some other Virginia campuses – praying that continues!

I am done with these rounds of chemo!  Although I am not at my usual energy level, I do have some energy.  I go on a 3 mile walk every day and am getting basic things done around the house.  It has been such a long Summer.  Last Saturday on my morning walk there was a chill in the air.  I came home got a cup of coffee (with pumpkin spice creamer, of course) and went to work decorating for Fall.  Why?  Because Fall is my FAVORITE SEASON and decorating makes me happy.  It was time for a change of scenery.  Putting out my Fall decorations made me feel like life was moving on as normal.  I also got out my Fall-scented candles, so the house smelled like pumpkin!  Chris and the boys said it smelled like Fall threw up in the house and pretended to gag from the smell.  That made me  miss my girl being home and sharing in the excitement about the decorations and the smell of Fall. 

As much as I wanted my Fall decorations to fix everything and somehow make things normal, they did not. I still do not hear the marching band practicing.  There are no Friday night football games.  There is no excitement in the air about what teachers you got and who is in your classes.  We are still in quarantine and I still am battling cancer.   

I still cringe at the word “cancer.” I still struggle with the idea that my life will look different from now on and I will have to have scans and worry if the cancer will come back.  I still have a long road ahead of me before I get to say, “I am a cancer survivor.” Some days the future of battling cancer still seems overwhelming.  

So, here is where I am on my cancer journey.  I will have a double mastectomy on Wednesday September 16^that 8:30 am.   The surgery will take about 3 hours and the plan is, because of COVID, for me to come home after surgery.  What they find when they study the cells that are pulled out during surgery will determine my next course of action.  If any of the cells still have cancer in them, I will likely have more chemotherapy.  If the 16 rounds of chemo killed all the cancer, I should just need radiation.  Either way I will have radiation for about a month.  Finally, I will have surgery for reconstruction and removal of my port.  

What do I do when I get overwhelmed with all of it?  I breathe and remember I am not in control – God is.  God is still the same as he was before I had cancer and before COVID.  He will get us all through this just like He has gotten us through other challenges in our lives.  

I was reminded on one of my walks this week how incredibly different this year is.  Last year on the first day of school I sent the kids off to school and went on a 6-mile run in preparation for the Army 10 miler I ran in October.  Now here I was walking an 18-minute mile and felt tired after 3 miles.  I broke down in tears and asked the Lord why had so much changed in just a year.  I was happy last year I was living a life for Christ even preparing to go on a mission trip.  My kids were happy, and they were great kids; they were busy with Fall activities and actively a part of our church and loved the Lord.    My husband’s job was going great.  Life was so good- almost perfect!   Why did God change it so much?  

But then, the song “Just be Held” by Casting Crowns came on my air pods as a reminder that God is still there, and He knows I am hurting, and He is there for me.   I know that during this time of quarantine we are all feeling like the answer is so far away and we feel so alone.  God is still here and He will get us through. Here are some of the words to the song.

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne – stop holding on and just be held.  

When you are feeling overwhelmed this Fall just remember God knows you, and wants you to take a breath and let Him hold you.  I hope you all have a great week as you continue on with the Fall and this “new normal” and all it has in store.

Here are my specific prayer requests: Surgery is on Wed. September 16^th at 8:30 am- that surgery will go well and my recovery will be easy. That all the cells the surgeon removes will be cancer free. That I will have no Lymphedema (swelling of the arm when lymph nodes are removed).  

We will get the results from the removed cells about 10 days after surgery.  So we ask for prayers of peace as we wait to hear the results.   Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and pray for me and my family.