The Battle Is Not Mine, It’s the Lord’s (Redux)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.  

Ephesians 3:20-21

One year ago, I was getting ready for my first chemo treatment.  I was a bundle of mixed emotions.  Part fear; part excitement that I was starting this journey; part nervousness of what the chemo was going to do to my body; part total panic because as you all know the world was shut down and we were at the beginning of a global pandemic. 

I vividly remember that day.  Most chemo days after the first one would be a blur, but I remember this one.  I remember the kind nurse who let Chris stay because it was my first time even though visitors were not allowed.  I remember how my kids welcomed me home and we all waited in anxious anticipation of what effects the chemo would have on me.  I remember it was St. Patrick’s Day, and I had nothing to celebrate the occasion, but a dear friend sent a St. Patrick’s Day cookie bouquet.  I remember another friend bringing over a hot dinner which we enjoyed so very much.  I remember friends texting and emailing to check on me.  I remember a peace that I had at the end of the day that we would get through this.  

So here we are one year later!  I did it!  You all did it! My family did it!  But mostly God did it!  In one of my first blog posts (Also called The Battle Is Not Mine, It’s the Lord’s) I mentioned a song our friend’s talented son wrote.  In it he says,

And when I stand
Atop the mountain
I won’t forget
What You’ve done for me
And I know
That You are so so good
And the battle wasn’t mine it was Yours

So here I stand atop that mountain proclaiming the battle was not mine and therefore the victory is not mine it belongs to the Lord.  What a year!  There were so many times when I could feel the hand of the Lord on me telling me it is going to be okay.  When I was lying in bed for days, feeling so helpless, depleted, and alone I could feel God with me.  

Have you ever felt that Jesus is right there with you?    I have and it is such an amazing gift that we have a God who cares so much about us that He sends his presence down to comfort us in our greatest time of need.  The amazing thing about it is all we have to do is ask God for help and be still enough to feel His presence.  

What a year… I had 16 rounds of chemo, 25 rounds of radiation, 4 surgeries, 30 PT appointments, and too many tests and doctor’s visits to count.  But here I am done with everything except PT.  How is that even possible?!  At times I look back on the year and think it was something that happened to someone else, or a movie I watched.  It all seems so far away and surreal and at the same time so close and too real.  

I know that life is not perfect right now for any of us.  But I feel a sense of hope.  If God can get all of us through 2020, He can do anything.  I have been looking for “olive branches” to remind me that we can get to the end of this pandemic.  Here is what I mean by “olive branches.” 

In the story of Noah and the Ark, the dove returned with an olive branch -a wonderful sign for the future, but that did not mean they got to immediately get off the ark.  It was a piece of hope that one day they would get off the ark.  The olive branch meant there was the tip of a tree that was not covered with water.  They still had to wait on the ark for quite a while for the waters to recede.  

Here is an example of my view of an olive branch.  In our area the kids were out of in person school for almost exactly one year.  Recently when I went on a run I saw school busses practicing their routes in anticipation of school opening the next week – I actually cried!  The vaccine being produced and distributed – again I cried.  (side note I got two doses of Pfizer and did great with both of them- if you are able, I hope you will get a vaccine).  My son getting to do an in-person drama rehearsal.  The flood waters will eventually recede, and we will be on dry ground again.  But until them I encourage you to look for your own “olive branches.”

Here is an update on where I am in my journey.  I can see it coming to an end.  I still have a few follow-up doctor appointments.  I am still healing from surgery, but in a few weeks I can lift over 5 pounds and resume all normal activities.  I still have the cording under my right arm where they removed the lymph nodes, which means continuing PT.  I do not have any more scans, which seems strange to me but as the doctor explained the area where the cancer grew is gone so no need for scans.   I am feeling well, and life is returning to normal for us.  

I hope you and your families are doing well and enjoying some warmer weather.  Thank you for prayerfully carrying our family through this year!